Just got an email about this domain getting ready for the annual renewal. I wondered… do I want to keep this one? Do I want to keep any of them? I logged into the host and made thoughtful faces but I decided I could only really make a decision by actually coming here.
And it turns out. Yes. I want to keep this one and I want to keep all of them. Each domain and blog is a little part of me. That’s why I always insisted on self hosting, and why I part with real money to put it out there on the internet. It’s mine and it’s me. No one remembers these places, and almost no one ever knew they were here at all. To me that never mattered, or rather it matters less now than it ever did before. Especially this blog. Cyberagefunk was/is the place I let it all hang out.
Reading over some of the stuff I wrote is incredible cringe, but I get it. I remember (sort of – maybe – definitely not all the time) what it was like to be me writing that post. Maybe I was feeling proud about something that seems lame now, or I was whining about something pathetic. Whatever! My house; my shit.
It blows my mind that it is coming up on three years since I posted here last. My life is completely different to how it was then. It’s better. I don’t think riding 10k is anything to boast about. Fucking n00b. I don’t live in the town’s shittiest apartment. I have cool lights I can set to fit my whim. I have like a million computers. I’m happy more often. Actually, there was a period for maybe six months where I was happy. every. fucking. day. It was a blast 8) But on the other hand.
Life is exactly how it always has been. I’m more me than I’ve ever been. More isolated. More distracted. More prone to bouts of world drowning melancholy. Self indulgent. Nerdy as shit and susceptible to intense short lived obsessions. Like I get deep into cycling and I lived GCN and learned how to maintain my own bike (mostly because this town doesn’t have a bike shop). I became a nut for gathering personal metrics, smashing PBs, and making sure it was all immortalised on strava. You didn’t really ride if it isn’t on strava. I’m still into all that stuff but the total consumption of body and mind ebbed away to a more normal hobby level.
NIN. I have listened to so much fucking NIN since I wrote here last. I think I never really let myself enjoy it because it wasn’t what serious industrial kids aught to do. The Fragile is probably my favourite album. Period. Out of all the albums I love, The Fragile has not been far away the last three years (I’m playing it right now). People say, yeah but Downward Spiral is good too. Sure. But it’s no Fragile. Absolute fucking master piece.
Anyway, that’s it. Maybe I’ll be back soon. Or maybe it won’t be until that thread of nostalgia reminds me of the cool places I used to smash out some words.
J. C. Rage