Above The Napalm

So I’m thinking about selling all my Earthly possessions and going on a pilgrimage to the bottom of the Pacific ocean. I’d prefer Mars, but hey, those are the breaks. Local… err… political tensions are forcing me to relocate yet again. Not sure where to go from here. Antarctica or the previously mentioned bottom of ocean or Mars would be perfect. Will do science for board and lodging. Put the word out!

Oh, why couldn’t I have been born rich to disappoint my parents in the search of meaning through art? Why be born to a caste where meaning is a state-proscribed luxury? You might not think it to look at my DA, but writing was always my first love. And that’s where I did all my biggest thinking. I love 3D too, but 3D has always offered more carrot. If I’m doomed to be an artist, it’s better to associate with 3D for a living than be a writer and get nothing but stick!

But then life seems to be more stick than carrot the last several years. Some good heights, but a hell of a lot of lows. Every day is a trial of existential puzzles. And I know I’m not alone here, but some people seem to be a lot more adept at dealing with the particularly nasty snares these puzzles contain. I guess I’m a sucker for the “let’s see what happens if I press this” approach. I know, more-or-less, what’s going to happen, but still… Optimist, masochist, or gambler by nature, you decide. Trying to be a normal human animal was the worst snare I triggered. The beautiful things that came from that are indeed majestic, but the suffering that comes fourth is the kind that keeps on giving, and in disproportionate orders.

Every day I suffer with the fallout of trying to be an ordinary human when I knew, deep down, that I was an irredeemable freak. From this I’ve learned that freaks can rarely change their spots, even if they really want to. Man, if only eternal sleep were as easy as saying, see ya later. Wipe it all away and see nothing, feel nothing, be nothing surrounded by nothing. So here I am, trapped on Spaceship Earth with my human cousins and fellow freaks. And I long for the company of my fellow freaks but here we all are just trying to get by, sniffing at all those existential mines that detonate like napalm.

Ah to be born rich and above the napalm. Where those mines are purely academic curiosities.

Is The TTP The Final Incantation to Summon The Dark Corporate Future?

I’m not a NWO nutter, but the TTP and it’s brothers have caused me a good deal of concern. Too much happening without transparency. One’s imagination can run wild with possible ramifications of giving corporations the only vote that matters in shaping the future.

Could democracy be that nice shiny bauble that the landed interest folk threw the plebs to keep them quite while they got on with stealing everything?

Remember it’s ok to write

There are always things I think I should write about. Important things. Stupid things. Amusing things. Stuff about things. But then I don’t. I figure, who’s going to read it? But that’s not the right way to look at it. I dig writing. I dig writing just for the sake of writing. Writing for me. For the void. For the moment and for tomorrow. Writing for others is all well and fine, and yes, I do that with some of my other blogs that real life people do read, but the world is so stuff full of words everywhere that most people who write can’t expect to be read unless they are (or are introduced by someone who is) already established, notorious, or deeply embedded within a community of sorts.

…but this isn’t meant to be a post about writing, getting noticed, or any other pro blogger tip thingy. It is a post about remembering its ok to write just for the hell of it. Remembering this reminds me of who I am. Remembering who I am helps me deal with the ever present wave of horror, despair, hate and injustice that forever hangs above the world threatening to brake upon anyone that dares to look at it. Remember who you are. Remember that yes, some people hate you for just being alive, that yes, just being alive hurts others. Remember that some people are ignorant, bigoted fucks, but also that sometimes it is you who is ignorant.

Broforce Alien Infestation

I’ve been meaning to write about Broforce ever since I got into it during the alpha stage. Back then it had just a handful of levels, but the pixel art and unrelenting brutal hilarity of the game had me hooked playing the same levels over and again. This game single-handedly resparked my interest in platform gaming, something I’d left behind in the days of the SNES (Super Nintendo Entertainment System, for the uninitiated) days. Broforce is all about bringing American brand freedom to the oppressed and kicking terrorist (mook) arse. It’s over the top, it’s fast-paced, it’s bloody, and best of all; it’s hilarious.

Broforce is still in early access on Steam, but since the early alpha days there have been many fantastic new additions including: multiplayer, new levels, level editor, new gaming modes, and just recently, ALIENS! I’ve been waiting for this last update a good long time now. It’s early days for the new baddies, but already our army of bros have the chance to face off with them in several levels. Watching those sneaky bastards decimate, dismember and impregnate (Facehuggers FTW) a force of unwitting mooks is grand.

And here it is, the video that finally kicked me into giving the game a little writeup. Here we see a timelaps of Jarred Bevis Lunt doing some amazing pixel art in Photoshop. It isn’t clear if his mechanical-alien abominations will be part of the game, but damn do I hope so. Check out Bevis’s Tumblr for more awesome art.

Over It

So, I thought that whole, “I woke up one day and realised I was over him/her/it”, was a bunch of malarkey, but that’s a fairly accurate account of how I feel right now. I’m not sure when exactly it happened but the roller coaster seems to be petering out (really truly), and has been for some time. Generally, I like roller coasters but that one got old damn quick. Psychic emo rides are the sort of thing only drama queens and masochists can derive any joy from.

The booze and slobbing about period has lapsed back into my native state of booze-and-slobbing-about-lite, which has always been a more productive space. I’ve never managed to attain the dubious title of “drunken master” in any of my pursuits. A little extra lubrication rarely hurts, though that is indeed a very slippery slope that can easily result in pizza and zom-coms (or whatever) for the ill-disciplined and vulnerable.

[Carpe diem bro]

Homework Army of Darkness Style

Fun Homework – WTF?

evil-dead-battle-die

I’ve had boring homework. I’ve had interesting homework (sometimes I’d even want to do it), but this has to be a first – homework I actually want to do, because it is fun! The concept is simple: create and texture a die. Of course there was no need to go all out. A simple generic die would have been enough for the task, but that seemed a little too easy. After a little humming and harring inspiration struck in the form of Evil Dead/Army of Darkness, and an idea for a nifty RPG die was born.

Haven’t seen Army of Darkness?

Making Army of Darkness RPG Die

Basic steps:

1. Model die
2. UV map die
3. Find suitable images for skull and “Boomstick”
4. Find brushes to add quick gunge and blood
5. Create texture
6. Light and render
7. Postwork

Tools:

1. Maya was used for all the 3D aspects of the project
2. Photoshop for texturing and post
3. Skull vector image. Image is covered by a liberal Creative Commons licence.
4. The brushes came from my own collection. Two sets by Diviney were used.

Academy of Interactive Entertainment: The First Week

The Pain of Getting to Know You

Who else finds those “getting to know you” sessions awkward and painful? Maybe it’s just me but whether it be for study, work, or just about anything else this part of the orientation has me looking for emergency escape routes. In short, it has the exact opposite of its intended effect.

HR goon/tutor/etc: “Stand up and tell us about yourself. Don’t be shy. No one’s going to judge you.”

Me: Umm, no thanks.

HR goon/tutor/etc: “Ok, fantastic! Let’s all break up into groups by favourite colour and penis size for awkward bonding activities which are designed to be stupid and disarming.”

Me: Fuck my life.

Or Not…

This time around there was none of that awful anxiety. Maybe I’m just chilling the fuck out in my old age, or maybe being in a room with other awkward geeks and creative types blunted the harsh edge of “getting to know you” politics. Sure, the group wasn’t uniformly anxious and dysfunctional, but these are my people… more-or-less. It also helped a lot that the first round of introductions was simply, “name, and last video game you played”. Our disarming group activity was building structures with marshmallows and spaghetti. How can you go wrong?

The fun rolled on with party games on a huge projection screen in the foyer. Strangers facing off in Joust and the innuendo laden Pole Riders resulted in much laughter and applause.

Down to Business, Maya Style

After a barbecue lunch (which I ditched in favour of a much-needed coffee) it was down to business with the first introductory classes. It was slightly amusing but more painful listening to the tutors struggling to explain fundamental principles such as UV mapping and rigging. Some of the explanations were a feat of linguistic contortion, and likely left those new to the concepts supremely confused. To be fair, these can be hard to explain off the top of your head.

As I suspected, Maya is the 3D software we use in class. My first impressions of Maya: what the fucking fuck? Coming to Maya as a LightWave user made for a distressing first encounter. Without knowledge of why Maya is laid out the way it is and why it functions the way it does, the program appears to be an unforgiving hodge-podge of idiosyncrasies. After a few hours of being completely lost and confused the logic started to appear and an incredibly powerful program was unfolding. Unless I end up landing a job with a big studio I don’t see myself working with it much in the future, but that is more due to the price of an Australian commercial license than the software itself.

All-in-all the first week at AIE was positive and I am optimistic about the opportunities the course and institution have to offer.

Terminator Genisys

Terminator Genisys Teaser Poster. Woman (Connor) in field holding a Terminator head
Terminator Genisys Teaser Poster

This is the first I’ve heard of the upcoming movie Terminator Genisys, and the trailer (below) provides some hope that we may actually get an interesting new addition to the franchise. Terminator is probably my favourite of the series, but Judgment day was a stunning visual effects feat of the time and still stands up reasonably. T3, well, I just plain forgot this even existed till I saw mention of it in a post related to the trailer.

I thought Terminator Salvation was underrated but still average at best. I’d been waiting a long time to see a movie set after the nuclear apocalypse unleashed by Skynet. Robots and apocalypse, how can you go wrong? At least it was a break from rehashing the “go back in time to save the day” spiel.

On seeing the opening of this trailer, my instant thought was, “WTF, why are they remaking the first movie! I want more robots and apocalypse, but done better”. Moments later we see Sarah Connor bursting into the scene with a rather sturdy looking van, broadsiding a “cop” to save a confused and disoriented Kyle Reece from certain termination. This makes me happy, but also sad that I already know the major plot point.

I will be seeing this when it debuts on the 1st of July with all the 3D trimmings. Reportedly there will be a further two Terminator sequels that we can expect to see. One in 2017 and another in 2019.

The Grand Reboot 2.0

heavily manipulated photograph of sunset with office furniture in the foreground
The view from my office/bedroom

Turn back ye now! Ahead lies a most self-indulgent post of woe (and hope). Everything is about me. So, run or stay. Your choice! Another year has spun on. My hearing is getting worse, my eyes are deteriorating and my hair is in a slow retreat. Those things I can live with but this break-up weight seriously needs to go. I can still see my toes. Last year was one arsehole of a year, but thanks to some good friends and family, self-medication and therapy I’m still here.

Things are looking a little better and new possibilities beckon. This isn’t to say everything was great when I look back further. The five years I spent with miss X and my second born had many ups and downs, but in many respects, they were the best so far. But when looking all the way back to my first days at high school and every day since, a general lack of direction, self-doubt and existential aliments has resulted in a jumbled, turbulent and unorthodox life to date. Not to mention conflicting and contradictory. So, some good and some bad. Some extraordinarily super periods and some hellish.

I know I’m not alone here. Most people experience at least some of what I’ve been through, and there are plenty who go through much worse. There are far too many that don’t made it through to the other side of their worst days, either because the bad ones keep on rolling on, or because suicide becomes preferable. I got lucky. I didn’t end up dead or a vegetable.

My greatest regrets are letting anxiety get the better of me all to often, living so far away from my eldest, and allowing my relationship with miss X to implode.

And this is where it has all lead to. At 30 years of age I am yet again trying to make a “fresh” start. It was 5 years ago, almost to the day, that I first came to Canberra on the grand reboot, and once again I’m heading back to school at a new institution. Unlike previous attempts I’m feeling more secure in my field of study and have a clearer idea of where I’m going. The future has always been a severe case of writers block. Any clarity is very welcome.

Starting next week (Feb 2nd) I embark on a two year diploma of 3D Animation & VFX for Film at the Academy of Interactive Entertainment. I almost forgot what optimism felt like. That too is also very welcome. The biggest obstacle to overcome in making it through this course will be to settle for “close enough is good enough”. In past studies an unrelenting propensity for perfectionism has lead me to burnout time and again. Of course, perfection is a myth, or at best, a fleeting moment destroyed by it’s mere observation. Good is good enough. Repeat. Practice. Good is good enough.

Who Needs Science?

The results of a recent study conducted by Pew Research Center in collaboration with the American Association for the Advancement of Science, shows a disturbing opinion gap between scientists and the broader community. Undoubtedly there are many factors at play here including: a lack of understanding of the scientific method, political bias, anti-intellectualism and religious belief.

Disturbing statistics from recent Pew Research Center shows huge gaps between opinions of scientists and public on key topis
Science: Good god, ya’ll what is it good for…

From my own experiences of science classes at high school there should be a greater focus on developing understanding of the scientific method and building critical thinking skills. Sciences classes throughout my schooling was more about following recipes and memorising equations than developing real understanding. Some kids got it but most didn’t.

Most of the kids that didn’t get the science thing were smart enough not to take HSC science classes, but not me. I was drawn to chemistry and physics hoping that it would all click together. It never did. I was totally lost; had no idea where to begin acquiring the knowledge and skills I needed. Ultimately, I dropped out of these courses, assuming I didn’t have the science gene… or something.

While I remain a layman in all scientific fields, personal interests have led me to hone my capacity for critical thinking and develop a greater scientific literacy and respect for the method. If science were better taught in schools I may very well have ended up leading a very different life.

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